The Strength of Stillness

In this reflective solo episode, Patricia D. Freudenberg, AKA Patty from New York, explores the quiet power of stillness during emotional storms and life's unexpected challenges.

Inspired by themes of stoicism, resilience, and mindful awareness, this episode examines how grief and hardship can leave people feeling emotionally overwhelmed, fearful, exhausted, and disconnected from themselves. Yet healing is not always about rushing forward or pretending everything is okay.

Sometimes healing begins by learning how to stand still without falling apart. Through perspective shifts, reflection, and emotional insight, Patricia discusses the importance of grounding yourself while rebuilding from within — because surviving with grace is its own kind of victory.

"Calmness is not weakness, it is a form of inner strength"

The Guidebook

           Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning
A 50-page guidebook you can read from front to back in less than an hour — but that is not the intention. This is not something to rush through. This is something to move through. One chapter at a time. One reflection at a time. One step at a time.
Created as both a guide and a companion, it gently supports you in taking matters into your own hands, processing what you are carrying, and transforming grief into legacy.

"The hardest part is not turning the page, it is picking up the book and choosing to begin again." - Patricia D. Freudenberg

Get Your Copy on Amazon
* Also available free for Kindle Unlimited subscribers. Disclosure: As an Amazon Affiliate, Patricia may earn a small commission at no extra cost to

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Live Your Legacy. Where every story holds a turning point. And every turning point holds the power of legacy.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome to Live Your Legacy, a Miss Yu Graham production, where we explore how life's defining moments shape the legacy we are living and building and leaving behind. I'm your host, Patricia D. Freudenberg, also known as Patty from New York. I have to say it that way. That's how I say it. That's me being me. This show is rooted in a simple truth. Grief is not always about death. Sometimes grief comes through life's changes, losses, detours, and transitions, disappointments, and new beginnings. And that's what we talk about here. Here we hold real conversations and reflections about the moments that change us, challenges us, and calls us forward. Some episodes feature inspiring guests, and stay tuned for next week, who have turned their defining moments into meaningful work, service, creativity, and contributions. Other episodes, like today, are solo reflections inspired by Legacy's Cafe newsletter, where we pause, breathe, and explore grief, recovery through the lens of the area for consultant. Legacy is not only what we leave behind, it's what we are shaping right now through vision, impact, and purpose. So whether you are rebuilding, remembering, beginning again, or simply taking the next brave step, this space is here to remind you your story still matters, your life still speaks, and sometimes meaningful things can still grow from when you have been. So I welcome you to the show. This show is rooted in self-development legacy. That's the name of the show, right? So I do want to share that I expand on the articles that I write, which are focused on grief recovery as a grief consultant, but are focused on not the happening of the grief, right? And if you follow me, if you look at the website mysogram.com, check it out. Let me go grab that link right here while we get started. If you are watching, welcome. Thanks for being here. And let me just grab that link. Where is it? Where is it? Here we go. It will pop up. It's M-I-S-S-H-U-H-G-R-A-M. It's on the screen if you're watching on video. There is a menu, and you'll see the stages of grief. And those stages are really important. In fact, all the stages serve a purpose, believe it or not. And you could think to yourself, that sounds crazy. Why would I want to be in denial, angry, depression, bargaining? Because there's another side to that, right? And that's what it's about. It's not about staying in there. I'm not saying that those stages are good to stay in, but they also have a purpose. For example, denial can protect you, right? From serious traumatic response or reaction. Again, I'm not a medical doctor by choice. I'm not a therapist. I am a consultant. I guide, I share resources, I teach, I talk a lot. Uh, but with that being said, I write these articles and they're focused on legacy. And legacy is not only what we leave behind and who has gone on to the afterlife because there is an afterlife, whatever it may be. Is it just ether? I don't know. Who knows all the answers? But we're not going to talk about that specifically right now. We're going to talk about you, the person in the land of the living. And that's what I pour into. That's what I write into. It's the light at the end of the tunnel. It should give you hope because we are all going to be here for a limited time offer. Okay. But the idea is when you're faced with grief, when you're faced with grief, you have that bittersweet moment where you can appreciate, wait a minute, you're still living. And if you can't get to that point, that's what I help with. I help you get to that state of appreciation, which is a high vibration, which is a vibration of movement and growth, not stagnation. And that's what we talk about in these articles. So I invite you to read them, subscribe, they're free. I'm happy to share them. And I like to expand on them, continue the conversation, right? Uh, again, check out missyugram.com or follow me on social. I'm always sharing my links. You could find them there too. And there are the five stages of grief that go a little bit more into what I was sharing. Again, I share these as resources, right? I'm not a medical doctor, I'm sharing them as resources from the medical doctors, right? And a lot of times in my articles, I will go a little deep in the research and I'll direct you to where you could look for yourself. I love using Stanford University Studies, medical studies. They have great research, Harvard University. Listen, these are names that we know well. That's why I go to them. I'm not limited to them though. There are a lot of universities, there are a lot of doctors who have done research. And listen, I will I might share those as well. So with that, I want to talk about the strength of stillness. And that is the article that I want to reflect on today. Let me share the screen. So if you are watching on video, we're gonna add this here. And this is what the image looks like. I love images, you know. I'm a visionary. So if you're a visionary, use your imagination. And there's a lady by the water, there's a journal with a blank page ready to write in. There's the rocks. The rocks are like part of nature. Got the sun setting, it looks like, or maybe sunrising, whatever you decide, right? It's your imagination. But I love to use visuals and in that stillness, right? This picture represents calm, peace, peace, inward journey because the journey just really like it, and thanks for AI these days. We can really tell it what our vision is, and then it will make these beautiful images, which I really love. But I love real photography too. So kudos to all those photographers out there living their legacy, living their best life. And let me just scroll up a little bit, and then when you go up, you'll see the article right here that I'm going to be getting into. But I want to paraphrase a little bit today. I usually just read verbatim, and that's okay too. Here's my book at the end that I'm going to always usually always recommend. But I want to just talk about it as a whole the strength of stillness. So this article was inspired by being stoic, right? I write my style of writing is there'll be a word of the day, of the conversation. I might read it, I might hear it in a movie, uh, might hear it on the radio, and then all of a sudden that word just makes me wonder. And then I put it on the on the shelf, and sometimes I write into it right away, and sometimes it will sit on the shelf for a while, but that's how I write. That's my style of writing, right? And and then I pour in. So this article came from the word stoic, right? And then I make my title. Sometimes I get a title that comes to mind, like a download, I call it, right? A lot of people could resonate with the download, quote unquote. And this title came from the word, actually. This time, I wasn't the title, the title came from the word, but nonetheless, I just like to share my creative thought process with you guys in case anybody resonates with that thought process. It's it's out there, right? I I've heard other people have similar experiences. Anyhow, the strength of stillness uh in this article. If you read it, you go to the website, maybe I'll go back and read it, but I want to paraphrase a little bit more than just read it for Batum today. This word stoic, it's there's a misconception that that being stoic means becoming emotionally cold. But I but don't believe stoicism is about becoming numb, okay? Do your research. I think it's about becoming grounded, okay. Ancient philosophers, now again, philosophy could be disputed, right? It's philosophy, uh, theory, theology. It's still subjective, right? But sometimes if you put it together with, I guess, statistics, is that the right way to say it? There, there's a pattern, right? There's a pattern, so then it becomes like there's a truth there, right? There's a truth there. Maybe not everybody agrees, but I would say enough to make it something substantial. So ancient philosophers spoke about this thousands of years ago. Thinkers like Marcus Aurelius, uh Aurelius, I don't know, I say Aurelius, you know who I'm talking about. He's a well-known philosopher from back long time ago, thousands of years, asked the question that still matters today: what is actually within our control? Because life will always bring uncertainty, right? And that's what makes us worry, right? Loss, conflict, disappointment, change. And in today's world, especially people are emotionally overstimulated. Listen, there's social, right? There's TV, there's radio, there's busy cities. We're over-stimulated. Let's get real. And we're constantly reacting, constantly consuming, constantly pulled in every direction, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And somewhere in the noise, many people lose themselves. And that's what happens, especially when you get a big monkey wrench, like a death, right? It doesn't always have to be the death of a loved one. Sometimes it's grief and maybe loss of a job, right? It still applies. That's why I have this show, because it's more than just grieving life. Even though I am a grief consultant, I realize that the skills that we could apply to recover, to get back to recovery, right? Get some emotional equity so we can live our best life, you know, the skills apply just the same. Uh, so that's why stoicism has resurfaced again in modern conversation. Not because people want to feel less, but because people are exhausted of feeling everything all at once without stability. And to me, stoicism, stoic, stoicism, get tongue-twasted on the word. It's okay, stay with me, is not emotional suppression. And and again, it has this, you know, not for everybody, people that understand the word and you know, listen to the philosophers. It's it's a it's a it's a more steadfast, steadfast mindset of accepting what you cannot control and and controlling what you can, right? Which is our emotions, not always being so reactive, right? Being more responsive. Uh, it is emotional stewardship, it is learning how to pause before reacting. Uh, yeah, Patty, practice what you preach. Yeah, tell me about it. I love theory. I love theory because you could just say it like you know, you got it all figured out. And listen, practice makes better, okay? I am definitely testimony that I have gotten way better. You talk to my family. Uh, is Patty better than she was years ago? Heck to the yeah. Does Patty still need improvement? Heck to the yeah. Um, how to observe, uh, going back to characteristics, how to observe before collapsing, right? How to breathe before spiraling. You gotta catch it. It's almost like a bubble, you gotta catch it, right? And uh that's that's a challenge in itself, but it's something like positive in your life to work towards because it's it's strength, it's strength, it is power, okay? It is power and it is emotional equity, and that's where I started thinking about the difference between degeneration and regeneration. Now, if you come to my discussion groups, if you come to my discussion groups, if you come to my you know communities, uh I talk about this a lot because we live in a dual world. Again, I'm not a medical doctor, but I read a lot of research. Okay, now degeneration or regeneration, it's one or the other, okay. It's one or the other. This is something that is science 101. There is no in between, it's it's it just that that's objective, okay? Degeneration or regeneration, it's either yes or no, light or dark, dual world, okay. And and and this is what I love to focus on because when we can gain an understanding when we're having one, then we could then change our mind. We do have the power to change our mind. Is it probable? I talk about this again all the time because I want to get the message out there, okay. This is the message, it's a hundred percent probable. Now, is it um? I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. See, I'm talking ahead of myself. It's a hundred percent possible, but it's not a hundred percent probable because we program ourselves. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be programmed by our environment, right? We allow ourselves to be programmed by influence. We're all a little guilty of that, okay? Again, uh when when I when when I when I share these notions and articles and food for thought and knowledge based on research, it's to better all of ourselves, right? I don't think there's anybody perfect out there, but there are people that that have very strong characteristics of being able to get back to recovery, and that's what I aim for, and that's what I hope that I can pay forward because consistency matters, discipline matters, routine matters, but if we're not careful, survival mode can slowly begin degeneration. That's right. People can become emotionally hardened, disconnected, fearful of change. It happens to a lot of us, probably all of us, attached to old identities that no longer fit who you are becoming, who they are becoming, who I am becoming. And yet, nature itself teaches us regeneration. The seasons change, right? The trees release their leaves, right? The body heals, the mind adapts, life continuously reorganizes itself. That's just what it does, it does it all by itself. So maybe wisdom isn't just about standing strong, maybe wisdom is knowing when to rebuild. And I use the brick analogy, just think of a brick because I deal with emotional equity, right? So if you had a pile of bricks, right, and your task was to build a wall, right? Would you be able to like carry all those bricks at once? No, it's like almost impossible unless you're like Hercules, and you know, it would weigh you down again. I like to exaggerate, that's my style to make a point. I like to make metaphors. I think that's very common for thousands and thousands of years. So I'm gonna continue that way. I like that it works to get a point across. So one brick a day, one even if it's 10 bricks in a day, even if it's a hundred bricks in one day, but one brick at a time, it's still heavy. If you drop it, you'll hurt your foot. One brick is doable, though. Even if it's heavy, it's doable. And then you could slowly build that wall, that task, right? That goal. And that's what it's about. Not every version of ourselves is meant to survive forever. And some versions carry us through pain, others carry us through grief, and others protect us during survival. But healing eventually asks us a difficult question: are you still protecting yourself or are you finally ready to grow? That is where stoicism, I said it right, becomes beautiful to me. Because true stoicism is not resisting change, it remains internally steady while transformation takes place. And maybe that is the real strength people are searching for right now: not perfection, not avoidance, not pretending, but learning how to stand in the middle of uncertainty without losing themselves. Silent pause. What do you think about that? That brings me to something I've deeply reflected on lately. The difference between the degeneration and regeneration. So stoicism is often misunderstood as standing still, but true stoicism is not emotional emotional paralysis. Okay, it isn't. I feel embarrassed to say it, but I'm going to say it. Like, there was a time in my life where I thought, you know, what don't they have feelings? You know, and again, old, old Patty, young Patty, you know, people that didn't react like Patty. Um, I just thought they were cold-hearted. Now listen, some people may be cold-hearted. Not everybody that's quiet and you know, discerning means they don't, you know, me means they're being stoic. However, there they're in hindsight, there was a common thread, a commonality on you know, on the misunderstanding. And it turned out no, they were very much in touch with life and love. They just weren't reacting to every situation. Okay, it's not emotional paralysis, it's conscious stability while life evolves around you. Okay, there is a difference between degeneration and regeneration. Degeneration happens when pain hardens us, when disappointment turns into bitterness, when routine becomes emotional autopilot, and when fear of change quietly disconnects us from growth, okay, because that can happen. And degenerative minds cling to comfort while slowly losing vitality. Okay, in the comfort zone, well, that's where you go to die. Uh, sorry to be so harsh, but listen, it's the true facts. Well, is it a fact? I mean, I think it is, but that's a different story. Uh non-disclosure, not sure. But regeneration is different, okay? Regeneration understands that change is not the enemy. Change is part of being alive. A tree does not mourn the falling leaves forever, it prepares us for another season. That is stoicism in its healthiest form, not resisting reality, right? I always say it's so much easier to go downstream than upstream. The only things I know that go upstream are salmon and they die. They they they they hurry, hurry up just so they could die. All kidding aside, though, you know, downstream might be bumpy, might be rocky, but it's so much easier than going upstream. Not collapsing under it either, okay? But learning how to remain grounded while rebuilding from within. Again, we can't control our outside, but we do have control on the inside. Consistency matters because discipline we discipline creates stability, right? It's just it's just a thing. We we know this, okay. But regeneration matters because healing requires adaptation, right? We we need to adapt. We need to adapt. That's change, right? We just talked about the trees. We need change. You cannot become new while worshipping old versions of yourself, okay? It's dying to uh to oneself. Um, you you cannot, you you just cannot do it. You can't you can't have me kicking it a two. I love cliches because there's truth to them. Sometimes the strongest thing a person can do is not hold on tighter, but to evolve intentionally. Stoicism teaches us that while we may not control every circumstance, we do control the conditions of our character inside those circumstances, and that is where regeneration begins. Not in denial, not in avoidance, but in awareness, responsibility, resilience, and renewal. Because life will change all of us eventually. And the question is will life degenerate us or regenerate us?

unknown 21:46

Think about that.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Consistency keeps us grounded, regeneration keeps us alive, and wisdom is knowing when to stand firm and when to become new. So think about that. Let's see. We got some comments here. Thank you for hanging out. We got some comments from our friends here. Hey, Kathy, how are you? Oh, yes, yes, yes. And what is it? Anyone got lost? Thank you for that. Thank you. And we got Kelsey Kelsey. Hey, I'm hoping to have Kelsey on soon. Kelsey Elizabeth, she is amazing. Kell Kelsey Elizabeth Matthews, an amazing, amazing woman. Follow her on social. Check her out. Catherine, too. These ladies are doing great things in the world. Thank you. Oh Catherine says, maybe due to grief or change, uh, may lose emotional. Yeah, absolutely. We do lose emotional equity, right? But this is the beautiful part, right? We always have access to the abundant amount of equity that we need to regain our energy and our empowerment. We do. We we have access. We always have access. And it's no different than like having a toaster oven and needing a toast, but if it's not plugged in, right? Um, and sometimes it gets sometimes the circuit goes out, right? Let that let's say grief makes the you get a circuit, a circuit, right? Too many things, too much power on, and your circuit breaker uh blows, right? The power is still there. The power is still there. You just gotta like reset, right? And why hold the room on reset? So, you know, I'm glad you brought that up, but I'm gonna go down a um um rabbit hole just about now because I'm good for that. Uh, but you know, that we could always tap in though. We could always tap in, we can always tap in. Uh not emotional bankruptcy or overwhelm, but regeneration process to be able to pace change to to pace change and reflection and regeneration. Yes, Catherine, in agreement, in agreement. Uh, thank you for the comments. Thank you. Great talk, says Catherine. And uh thank you, catching gems. I appreciate that. Oh, we got my powerhouse friend. Hey, sister sister 313. I'm gonna see you soon. Yes, I'm gonna go visit the Victory Church. I am getting an award. I'm really, really, really honored. It was such a pleasant surprise. And my friend Ladonna Booker, she is amazing too. She comes a she comes as a you know a leader, a leader into the community group chats, and I call her a powerhouse. I call a lot of my friends a powerhouse that are a powerhouse. You know, you come around Ladonna and you will be tapped in. You will be tapped in, you will be turned on. Uh, these ladies here chiming in today are all powerhouses, and I appreciate every single one. Speaking of power, power and inner light can be the dimmer, but not the snuffed but not snuffed out. We can always tap in. That's right, Catherine. Appreciate that comment because there's so much truth to that. Uh, with that being said, I just want to share a little bit more. Let me stop sharing the screen here. I have my book in the background there. Hey, I'm back. It's a nice hot day. As you can see, I'm a little I'm a little um flush here. I'm a little flush here. Gotta crank on the AC because we're in New York and I got used to that cold weather, but not the the spring, the summer is right around the corner, and I'm liking it. So I appreciate everybody uh coming to support. Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome. We got my friend Madonna saying thank you. Oh, you're so welcome. Follow her. She has amazing books. It's right there. My hand could just reach, but I don't feel like getting up right now. Can I tell you? Uh, but her book is right over there at arm's reach. At arm's reach, uh, she's amazing. Check her out, ladonna booker. Check her out on all the socials, and let me just do a little plug over here. Again, we got the missy gram.com. That's where I have my newsletters, they're free. I do have a new community. I'll be sharing that maybe on the next episode. But next week, May 26, 10:15 a.m. Eastern time, we got Dr. JC Dornick. He is number four in Apple Podcast for uh mindset personal development. He's is amazing. I follow him, Dr. JC Dornick. You might know him as the dragon, that's his aka name. I've learned a lot about the podcasting world. So if you follow me, if you go to my show's website, livelegacy.vip or livelegacy.vip. Have it your way. Same word, same word, have it your way. But check it out. There's a guest button if you want to be a guest, if you wanna you know, DM me. Uh also let's chat. Uh, we'd love to have you. All you need to do is to have a turnaround story. You have a turnaround story, then you are the perfect fit for the show. I appreciate everybody so much for being here. I'm gonna do a little ticket on the bottom there. And I share my book, Live Your Legacy, that is a guidebook. And I'm gonna wrap it up with saying this. Thanks for listening. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button, leave a five-star rating if you can. If you go to the Apple Podcasts, it will drop on Thursday morning at about like the crack of dawn, and uh there will be the cleaner version, right? We like to edit all those like, like, like, like, like words. Uh, but nonetheless, I like to do pop-up lives because I'm raw and real. This is Patty from New York, and one more comment we got in here before we get out of here. Thank you. Thank you for that. Look at that. This is this is a good friend here. This is a good friend doing this. Thank you so much. Appreciate that. Uh, so much, so much uh love, so much love. What is this over here? Oh, there we go. That's right, thank you. Oh my god. I you know, this is what community is about, though. Um, this is what community is about. So those thank you, Catherine, Ladonna, Kelsey, uh everybody who chimes in on replays. The love is strong. I appreciate it so so much. I'm gonna put that back on there because I really, really uh like that little plug-in. Uh with that being said, tune in next time and uh see you soon. God bless.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

And every turning point holds the power of legacy. Every step, every start, every store is we like.