Attention

In this solo reflection, Patricia D. Freudenberg explores how attention quietly shapes the direction of our lives. From grief and emotional recovery to personal growth, relationships, purpose, and everyday decision-making, this episode examines the hidden power behind where we place our focus.

In a world filled with distraction, noise, fear, comparison, and emotional overload, attention has become one of the most valuable forms of currency. What we repeatedly focus on often expands emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Through perspective, reflection, and practical insight, Patty discusses how intentional awareness can influence emotional regulation, resilience, healing, and the legacy we are actively creating every day.

This episode is not simply about concentration. It is about becoming more conscious of what is pulling your energy, your emotions, your peace, and your potential. Because sometimes the greatest shift in life is not changing your circumstances — it is changing what you continue to give your attention to.

"Attention is the silent architect of your reality. What you repeatedly focus on eventually becomes your life."

Enjoying the conversations on Live Your Legacy?

The discussion doesn't have to end when the episode does.

Join our Legacy in Action community — a growing space for reflection, meaningful conversation, personal growth, and purpose-driven action. Whether you're navigating grief, exploring your next chapter, building a business, serving your community, or simply asking deeper questions about the life you're creating, you'll find a seat at the table.

“What are you building that will outlive you?”

Join the conversation and become part of a community committed to turning reflection into action and purpose into impact.

Founding members who join now are grandfathered into the community as we continue to build and grow together.

Join Legacy in Action →

Hosted on Skool  ·  skool.com/legacy-in-action

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Live Your Legacy. Where every story holds a turning point. And every turning point holds the power of legacy.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Here we are. Welcome to Live Your Legacy, a Miss You Grand production where we explore how life's defining moments shape us. I'm your host, Patricia D. Fordenberg, also known as Patty from New York, and this show is rooted in one simple truth. Grief is not always about death. Sometimes it comes through changes, loss, reinvention, transition, and the moments that call us to become more. Because legacy is not only what we leave behind, it's also what we are shaping right now through vision, impact, and purpose. So today is a solo episode, and I want to bring to you the topic at hand. And what is it? What is it, Patty? What's today's topic at hand? Today's topic at hand is attention. Yes, attention. So a little background for anybody who might be tuning in for the first time. I am a certified end-of-life consultant. I am not a doctor. We got some love already. Hey, everybody. Hey, let's say hi to some friends. Hey, we got Linda Bella, known as Bella, Linda Rigby. And thank you. Grand Rising to you too, Queen, my good friend from a lot of platforms. And we just had the morning conversation on BWC. That's breakfast with champions on Clubhouse. Yeah, little shout out, little shout-out. And we got some more love. Hey, and Bella jumped platforms here, I think. I'm not sure. Let's see where you're coming in from. Hello, Bella. I really appreciate the love. I appreciate the hearts. And we are going to get into it. We are going to get into it. I'm just going to go like that. So I'm going to get back to the topic at hand, which is attention. So I am a grief consultant. And hey, we got more love here. We got more. We got Malika Star, another good friend. We spend a lot of mornings together. Again, if you want to see these amazing women powerhouses who are doing a lot in the world, come check it out. I share on social platforms. So if you follow me, you could see what I'm talking about. Just follow me and you'll find us. You'll find all these ladies who are saying hello. How are you? How are you? How are you? Thanks again for the love, for the support, and for being here. And as a consultant, I like to disclose I'm not a doctor by choice. I'm not a therapist by choice. I'm a consultant. I guide, I have a guidebook. There it is right behind me. It's a guidebook, it's a 50-page guidebook. And you could read it verbatim, maybe in 20 minutes if you read fast. But it that's not what it's about. It's about an inward journey, right? So each chapter you're supposed to just discern, think about it. And when you go back and read it, it might seem different the second time around. And that's what it's about. I don't fix people. If you want somebody to fix you, go to doctors, they fix broken bones. But all kidding aside, I like to share resources that are going to empower the grieving individual. And like I said in the beginning of the show, grief is not always about loss of life. That's what brought this show to life, right? That's what brought this show to life because in my communities, I realized, wow, grief is the same vibration at the end of the day. It's the lowest vibration according to Stanford University Studies, not Patty's opinions, not Patty's notions, but according to medical studies. And grief is the lowest vibration. I just want to fire something up here on the side if you see me distracted. It's a low vibration. And that's where, if you will, for lack of other words, pride myself in helping individuals get empowered and tap into emotional equity, which is abundant, right? We all have access to this abundant emotional equity to raise our vibrations. And we all know what it's like to feel good, right? I'll I help you get there quicker when you feel stuck in sorrow. Okay, whether you lost a job, a friendship, or one of the hardest sorrows of all, a loved one, right? I help you, I guide you. Just like if you're going to a country that you've never been before, yeah, you could get a map, yeah, you could figure it out. But sometimes when you have a guide, they get you there a little quicker, right? And it's not always about speed, it's not always about speed. But for me, if you come to Patty, it's about recovery, right? How do we get back to recovery? Just like having a toolbox, right? It's good to have a hammer and your toolbox. You're not always gonna need it, you may not need to use it, but once in a blue moon, you're gonna have to pull it out, right? You're gonna have to pull it out. So you could think of it as utensils, all those good things. I love metaphors, that's all about me. I write a newsletter, and because our show now is doing so swell, we're gonna have amazing guests. I believe Bella is on the schedule too. I'm really excited for Bella. She's at in a couple of months. Our show is getting booked out now. We're into August, okay? We are now booking in August. So the solo shows, unless somebody can't make it last minute, there won't be too many coming up soon. However, that's all exciting because I'm excited to learn about other people. Because when people come on here and share their breakthrough stories, as I call them, their turnaround stories, as you will, they will help somebody. Sometimes you could hear something a million times, like a cliche, a quote, and then it's that one fine day that it changes your life for whatever reason. That's the beauty of life, right? Sometimes we hear the same story over and over again, and that one time it just changes everything in a flash. And I did write an article called Suddenly, but today it's not suddenly. Today is about attention. And one of the articles I write as a consultant, and my area of focus is legacy. Legacy is a word now that maybe I'm paying attention to. Pardon the pun, because that's a topic today. Legacy seems to be one of these words that we're using a lot, or I happen to be noticing a lot. Legacy, this, legacy that. That's why Patty from New York is bringing the legacy as the seventh stage of grief. Okay. Patty from New York is bringing the seventh stage of grief. Now, maybe other grief consultants out there are talking about it too. I don't know. Maybe I haven't heard it yet. I know we talk a lot about legacy this, legacy that, but Patty from New York is making her legacy, her mission, her purpose to help. Not how many likes say the word help? We talked about this. I'm a work in progress, and this is all my pet peeve. I don't help is not a bad thing, but I want to use the word empower. I want to use the word empower. And Patty empowers, maybe I like the peas. I don't know. I'm playful. That's me. I'm not for everybody, but I'm for somebody. So if I'm for you, take your shoes off. But I'm here to help and teach recovery. It's not even realistic to think we're never gonna get down and low. It's but it's about how do we get back up now. Listen, if getting, if being stuck, if being stagnant, if being in a degenerating, degenerative, because degenerating sounds like I'm just calling you names now, a degenerative mindset and that works for you, then cool. You be you, and I'm definitely not your person. But if I entertain you, then take a seat too. I enjoy conversation, I enjoy perspective. So you have a different perspective. If I said something that you completely disagree with, bring it to the table. I want to talk about it. Teach me, teach a man how to fish, Bella. Bella, teach a man, right? Bella has really influenced me a lot. She's mentored me a lot, she's amazing. And you know what? What I love about conversations when we can agree to disagree is that we grow. At least I do, okay, because it at the end of the day, it's a choice, it's a choice how you feel. And sometimes it feels like we have no choice, but it's what you bring attention to, which let's go back to the topic of the day, which is attention. This is a news article that I wrote. And when I was writing the news articles for the first couple of years, that's right, sometimes five times a day, the writer has to be inspired, right? And now I'm doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that. However, some of these articles are worthy to go back to. This one only was put out last week, but the idea is I'm gonna continue the articles that I write and expand them a little bit more, not just one and done and move on to the next, because they're worthy of getting into it because they are healing. At least people have told me that. Maybe they're lying, I don't know. Maybe they just wanted me to feel good, but it feels good to my soul to put this out there. Now, where do I come up with these articles? I'm a creative, and if you're a creative, then you understand what I'm talking about. I get in the flow, I hear a word, I hold on to it, and I parlay it with my area of focus. So it is a grief recovery newsletter. So I'm gonna read it to you because I and then we could talk about it a little bit more, and I'd love to hear your comments. I'll go back to the comments if you're tuning in live, otherwise, this will be on replay, edited for all those words. And I'll tell you this: you could find me on 14 plus platforms if you do like the conversation. Again, if you don't, change the channel and have an amazing day. God bless. So Legacy Cafe puts out a newsletter, it's also free, free, yes, it is. Ah, I know. Can you believe it? And this comes from straight from the heart. And I come up with these letters because testimony, research, personal experience, and there we go. So today's newsletter that I'll be reading is attention. That's the title, and it's a grief recovery newsletter written by Patricia D. Fodenberg, me, also known as Patty from New York. I'm gonna start reading. There is a quiet truth, many people never realize until life breaks them open. Attention is one of the most powerful forces we possess. Not because it magically controls the universe, and not because every thought manifests reality overnight, but because whatever we repeatedly give our attention to begins shaping the architecture of our inner world. And in grief, this matters deeply. And when someone experiences loss, whether through death, heartbreak, disappointment, betrayal, illness, or the collapse of a dream, attention often becomes trapped inside emotional survival. That's right. You feel trapped, you feel like you have no choice, and the mind replays the moments, the conversations, the regrets, the fears, what ifs. The nervous system becomes hyper-focused on absence. Now remember, I got this information from resources. One of the resources I use is Dr. Joe Dispenza. He writes amazing books. He discovered epigenetics. Yeah, that's right. Let's go back to the article that I want to talk about. And over time, the brain begins rehearsing suffering. I know it sounds crazy, right? But this is what happens. Science, not Patty, science now supports something profoundly important. Attention physically influences the brain through neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to recognize and adapt based on repeated thoughts, patterns, and experiences. Should I say it again? Attention physically influences the brain through neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to recognize and adapt based on repeated thought patterns and experiences. We're gonna stop there for a second. We're gonna pause there because again, I'm not a practitioner. I am not. What I'm sharing here in these articles and in this live, which I have the human right to do, is to share what I've learned and I'm translating. So I always encourage you to do your due diligence. If you're really interested in it, go check it out. But everything I offer here is for the betterment, right? I don't believe I'm putting you in harm's way. But again, I want to disclose I'm not a medical doctor. I know that's the world we live in today. So I just want to disclose that. But when we talk about neuroplasticity, from what I learned on my own accord, and this didn't even come with my consulting certification, okay. That didn't even come with that, but in neuroplasticity, what I have learned through reading and research is that when nerve endings fire and create new, hence the word adapt. Adapt, right? Adapting means learning something new, okay, based on repeated thoughts, patterns, and experiences. Now, research connected to Stanford Medical Studies have explored how mindfulness and cont being contemplative practices, meditation, if you will, improve emotional regulation, concentration, resilience, and awareness. Okay. And well, Patty, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about, Patty. You're saying too much, you're talking too fast. Contemplative, I can't stop thinking about my problem. Here's a solution, and again, you could either want to be comforted or you could want a solution. And one is fine. Again, if go if it works for you, it works for you. But sometimes you need to consider do you be do you want to be coddle? Do you want to just be a warm hug? Or do you actually want to if you want a hug and a kiss? If you want to here's one that works science, not patty, and I'll to share it because a tool for the emotional toolbox. Whenever you're a problem, okay, by going, that's macro, that's small. Your details and details bring momentum to attention. I don't want to get ahead of the article, but I want to share this because it's important right here, right now, to share this. It's a tool that is proven to work. Patty, I don't know how to meditate. I'm not into yoga. That's fine. When you're focusing on your problem in detail and you're feeling stuck and it's not working because you're not solution mindset, because if you're in a solution mindset, you're not going to be emotionally attached to the problem. You're going to be creative in solving the solution. But when we're dealing with grievance of any kind, there's a good probability that you're there's unless you're again repeating practices that are skills that bring you back to recovery, and that's why we have these conversations. So you go macro, get to the point, Patty. We go macro, macro means big. I remember when I know I didn't know what that meant. I know maybe everybody should know that, but I like to just to make sure everybody knows what I'm talking about. So micro, microscopic, get it, micro details, a lot of attention, momentum. In fact, science considers that a matter, it becomes matter when it's so detailed, a wave, a particle of light, a light becomes a particle. See, I'm getting ahead of myself because I get really excited talking about that. Maybe I should have been a scientist, I don't know. But all kidding aside, when you're stuck in the details, you're just bringing more attention to that. And when you bring more attention to that, it becomes more of a matter of fact. And when it becomes more of a matter of fact, it becomes matter, and it actually there's weight to it. Did anybody ever feel so overwhelmed in their attention to a situation that is a grievance situation? Why do we say our heart is heavy? Why do we say heavy-hearted? It feels heavy. That's why, because there's it's actually a matter of fact. So here's a tool that you could use, and as a byproduct, it turns into contempt being contemplative, be being meditative. Go macro, think of something larger than you, and pick something that's gonna be pleasant. It is a matter of choice now. Sometimes it might not feel like it, sometimes you might say, Patty, I can't think of anything else but the tragedies in the world, the wars in the world. War has been around since the beginning of time. I always go back to the crusades and then some. It's a terrible thing, it's an unfortunate thing, it's a disappointing thing. So when you're stuck, don't pick those things. Again, it's a matter of choice. Now, the things I'm sharing with you is a hundred percent possible if you're under the sound of my voice. Now, if you're incapacitated in an ICU room, no, you don't, you can't, you don't you you can't do anything about it, and God bless those people. But if you're here listening by choice, you have a choice, you can choose to think of something you like on a macro, and what that what happens with that again, according to science, not patting, I'm just transferring information, is that it becomes a wave, and a wave is not substantial enough, it's slow motion, and it has more tendency to change, right? And then when you pick a sweet spot, then you're gonna bring attention to that sweet spot, and then it suddenly starts to become a matter of fact. Now, I'm talking about the inward world here, okay. I'm talking about your emotions, talking about your emotions because you cannot control the outside world. Sometimes you can to a degree, but let's be real. I'm talking about the inside world here. So, in simple terms, the mind strengthens what is repeatedly visited. That does not mean pain, excuse me, that does not mean that pain is imagined. I'm not saying that it's not real, it means attention has direction and direction creates momentum. And I'm going back to the article now. This is where I believe many people misunderstand phrases like where attention goes, energy flows. People often connect these ideas to quantum physics or mystical interpretations or consciousness. And while quantum theory does reveal the reality is stranger and more mysterious than classical science once believed, science has not proven that human thoughts magically override physical reality. Again, I said a mouthful. Should I say it again? People often connect these ideas to quantum physics or mystical interpretations of consciousness. And while quantum theory does not reveal that reality is is stranger and more mysterious than classic science once believed, science has not proven that human thought magically overrides physical reality. What science has shown is something equally fascinating. Focused attention changes perception. This is where it gets fun. Maybe even write it down or listen to it again. Focused attention changes perception. The lens perception influences behavior influences choices. Choices influence outcomes, and outcomes shape the story of a life. This is not fantasy, that is neuroscience, psychology, and human experience working together symbiotically. And as a grief consultant, I have witnessed this firsthand. People who remain emotionally anchored only to pain often begin to lose their sense of identity, purpose, and movement. But when attention slowly begins shifting toward meaning, service, creativity, healing, connection, gratitude, or legacy, my favorite one, something begins to happen internally, not instantly, not perfectly, but gradually. Healing, gosh, healing does not always arrive like fireworks. It just doesn't. Sometimes it arrives quietly, like oxygen returning to a room. And this is why mindfulness, reflection, prayer, meditation, journaling always have a pen in my hand, community, BWC. I was there in the morning, follow me on social, creativity. These newsletters and intentional thought pattern matter so much, they're not about pretending life is easy. Okay, they are about gently retraining attention toward possibility while still honoring reality. Grief narrows attention towards absence, legacy widens attention towards meaning, and the distinction can change a life. One of the greatest misconceptions in modern culture is that healing means forgetting the pain and disregarded completely. No, no, no. That's not what we're talking about here. Healing is not forgotten, okay? Feel feeling, healing is not forgetting. Healing is learning how to carry memory differently. Okay. It's just it's always gonna be there, right? But how do we get back to recovery? How do we carry those memories without so much of the heaviness? Again, let's bring more attention to the good times, okay? And not feel there's there's all there is a physical loss, but the memory is not. The memory's not okay. I don't want to get off too off topic because I'll go down that rabbit hole in just a second. It is learning how to let love evolve instead of emotionally fossilize, okay. Let it let it flow. Let it flow. And if you come to my community rooms on Fridays, on Clubhouse, we'll talk more about it, okay? Because I I want to, for the sake of time, we're going to keep going. It is allowing your attention to become a bridge instead of a prison. And the truth is, consciousness itself remains one of science's greatest mysteries. It's amazing, the brain. Researchers continue to explore and have and ask questions surrounding awareness, perception, and the mind. And quantum physics opened the door to mystery, but it did not close the case on human consciousness. And maybe that humility matters. Because not everything meaningful can be reduced to equations alone, and some things are lived, some things are felt, and some things are carried quietly in the invisible places of our heart. But here is what I do know for certain the mind becomes familiar with whatever is it visits most. If you go somewhere a lot, you're familiar. You know it inside out and backwards. If we repeatedly visit fear, hopelessness becomes familiar. If we repeatedly visit gratitude, meaning becomes more visible. And if we repeatedly, I'm like spitting because I'm excited to share this, visit a purpose, life becomes begins to respond differently to us. And attention is not magic, but is a moment. And sometimes the first step toward emotional recovery is simply asking yourself, why what am I feeding with my attention every single day? Because your life is always listening. And the quote for today is healing is not forgotten pain, it is retraining attention towards meaning. And I'll leave you with a prompt. Where has your attention been living lately? Is it fear, survival, regret, purpose, growth, or possibility? And what would change if you intentionally redirected even a small portion of your focus toward the life you still have left to live? I do offer my book recommendations all the time if you go ahead and check out the article in my on the website, misyogram.com. That's M-I-S-S-H-U, the letter hyphengrm.com, or follow me on social and I'll be happy to share it with you. Again, I'm a certified grief consultant, not a licensed medical doctor or therapist. And the reflections shared in this article are intended for educational and inspirational purposes to inform the griever. Okay. And my book is for the inward journey. It's a recovery workbook, okay? And that's the experience it's supposed to be for. So let's see if anybody else has any comments. Thank you so much. Oh, Mary Lynn's in the house. Hey, I did a little shout out. Thank you so much. Thank you. Oh, I'm so happy you, Mary Lynn. Okay, Marilyn Wilkins, she is the CEO of Breakfast with Champions, and it's a wonderful space for motivation, inspiration, and education. And I help out moderating the rooms and co-host, and sometimes on Wednesdays, on wellness Wednesdays, or I call Wednesdays wellness, so uh winning Wednesdays, rather. I'm so happy you mentioned the background because this tree now you can't see the butterflies because though from far away I'm noticing you can't see the butterflies, but these really beautiful butterflies on the tree, and actually, I do have here. And if you guys stay with me, I'd love for you guys to hear, and hopefully, I don't get kicked off any of the platforms. Give me just a mega second, and this is a song that I play during a ceremony, and it's called the Memorial Tree Lighting, and it's to celebrate somebody's life. And I do have a poem that goes with the tree lighting, but last minute I decided I wanted to put that in the background. Usually I have Miss You Graham because this is a Miss You Graham production, right? I am the founder and chief evangelist officer of Miss You Graham, which is everything I do is really based on that. Thank you so much for this. Let me just share this. Thank you for loving the newsletter. I really appreciate it. And Rodney, thank you so much. Thank you so much. I really appreciate all the support and love. And I play this song, and it's each butterfly represents a life that the person who is transitioned touched. And the light is that that soul that's in us, the light that ticks our heart, the light that opens our eyes in the morning, the light that gives us thoughts and ideas. That light continues. Einstein, God rest his soul, E equals MC MC squared. We can only be transformed. That we know it is a mystery, and that's the beauty. We could only be transformed, we cannot be destroyed. So that light represents that soul that goes on and on. Now, where it goes, nobody really knows, but you know what, you know what you want to know, you know what you choose to know, right? I believe that the soul uh of my mother, I have a beautiful relationship with her. Is it her with her red curly hair? Maybe I want to choose that. It feels good to me. So I'm gonna choose that. Now, I I don't really know 100%, but I know 99.9 in my inner knower that it's her. But getting back to this memorial lighting, I really didn't highlight that I do this. Very few people know I even do this service. I did only a couple, right? And they were like trial runs and they went so beautifully. Thank you for hanging in there with us. Appreciate you all so much. Again, my name is Patty from New York, and you could find us. You know what? Check out Live Your Legacy because Miss Yugram's on there. Follow me on social, really appreciate all the support and love. And if you want to know more about this memorial service, hey, check it out, tell me about it, and I'll be there. You want to fly me to your the res your local community? Uh I'm more than happy to get there and deliver. Definitely love this ceremony. I just love it so much, and I want to share it with the world. So thank you, Marilyn, for reminding me because I wanted to talk about it, and then I got so caught up in the attention of the article that I almost forgot about it. See how amazing it all works. The community just works so beautifully. Here's again Live Your Legacy show website. It's live legacy.vip or live legacy.vip. Have it your way, whichever one you like. It's all the same. And I'll see you next time, God willing, here on Live Your Legacy. For now, the show will end until next time. God bless everybody. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

And every turning point holds the power of legacy. Every stop, every start, every star, swing.