Putting Yourself First — Healing From Trauma

Teresa Phillips is a speaker, podcaster, and musician who draws on more than 40 years of trauma survival to help others reclaim their lives. Three years ago she developed The Framework Of The Self — a personal transformation system built on four pillars: self-love, self-respect, self-confidence, and self-appreciation.

Teresa's journey began in early childhood and deepened five years ago when the death of her father triggered a complete unraveling. Losing everything — and herself — she heard an inner voice calling her to change. That turning point became the foundation of her framework. Today she has not had a panic attack in over three years, and describes herself as healthier, more grounded, and more authentic than ever.

Through her speaking, podcast, and music, Teresa carries a simple but powerful message: if she can do this, so can others. She joins Live Your Legacy™ to share how putting yourself first is not selfish — it is the very act that makes healing possible.

"If I can do this, so can others."

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Live Your Legacy. Wherever story holds a turning point. Where every turning point holds the power of legacy.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Welcome to Live Your Legacy, the conversational podcast where we explore how life's defining moments shape the legacy we leave behind. I'm your host, Patricia D. Fordenberg, also known as Patty from New York. This show is rooted in one simple truth. Grief is not always about death. Sometimes it comes through life's changes, losses, detours, and new beginnings. And here we speak with entrepreneurs, authors, leaders, and creators who have turned life's defining moments into meaningful work and lasting contributions. Because legacy is not only what we leave behind, it's what we are shaping right now through vision, impact, and purpose. And today I am honored to welcome our special guest, Teresa Phillips, who is a speaker, podcaster, and musician who draws on more than 40 years of trauma survival to help others reclaim their lives. Three years ago, she developed the framework of the self, okay? And a personal transformation, a system built on four pillars self-love, self-respect, self-confidence, and self-appreciation. With that being said, welcome Teresa. Thank you for being a guest on our show. And tell us where you're coming in from and a little bit more about yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

If for those who don't know you, all right, I'm coming in from Dripping Springs, Texas, which is 20 miles outside of Austin. I am a speaker, a musician, podcaster. I've always wanted to do what I'm doing now. Back earlier in life, I gave up on my music due to circumstances beyond my control. But now, three years in after developing the framework of the self, I'm more steady, I'm more grounded, I'm more authentic. I'm not I'm not afraid to show my feelings, I'm not afraid to get vulnerable.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

I love it. Can't wait to get into it. First, I'm going to start off with this. Would you agree or disagree that hindsight is always 2020?

SPEAKER_00 2:22

A lot of times, yes. I would say almost 99% of the time. Because you don't when you're in a situation, you're in the heat of the moment. You can't really see outside of that unless you can stay calm. And a lot of us have to learn how to be that way. I'm like that. I know if I start getting upset, take a step back, take three deep breaths, and think before I say something. Because, and a lot of times it's the age of wisdom. You look back at something, say when you happened when it was like five or six years old. You don't didn't know the reasons for that then. You might be aware of the reasons now. Sometimes in life, they're really you can't figure it out. It's just this happened. So how do I pivot from that? How do I strengthen myself? How do I stop people pleasing? How do I do all the stuff that I had to do to survive? Because honestly, I don't think there's a human being in this world that hasn't experienced some sort of trauma or other. Usually it starts in very young age, like I would say between two and six.

SPEAKER_03 3:31

Wow, there's wisdom right there in that answer. Let's get right into it. Can you take us back for a moment and share with us a pivotal moment that changed the direction of your life or work? And I'm sure there's plenty, but what's what's on your what top of your mind right now?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

All right, I'll lead you back to five years ago. I've been down in Texas since 2019. I came down to take care of my dad. He asked me to move down here in 2019. I only got to spend the last two and a half years of his life with him, but a lot had changed. He had been clean and sober for 25 years. So I did I got to see the man that I didn't get to see when I was growing up. His dad was an alcoholic. You know, and I got to see him free, clean, and sober. That was a miracle to me. And when he died, my whole world just collapsed and caved in. I didn't know how I was gonna make a living, what I was gonna do. And I had told dad the first year in, I said, I won't be able to do this again. He said, I know you won't, because I took care of mom and dad both. But when my world collapsed, everything did, all the stress that I'd carried for years because I hadn't brought it up or taught not to bring it up. Oh, we don't talk about that. You've got to talk about it, unless you want to wind up with diseases and stuff. Because through my years I've had a lot of different diseases. I've had hostomatous thyroiditis because I couldn't speak.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

My thyroid swelled up to where I almost could not talk because I was having to repress an answer. So wow affect you. People say, Oh no, oh yes, it just affects you in ways you don't understand.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

Wow, and now you're speaking, and now you're a speaker.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

I have not lost my voice. In fact, I found it because of dad, because I hadn't played music in over 30 years. And he looked at me one day when we were on duty. Or when I was on it, Diane, what happened to your music? Diane's my middle name, that's what family knows me by. I told him the truth. I didn't disseminate. He said, I don't want you to ever do that again. He made it possible while he was still alive for me to take one hour a week for the voiceless guitar lessons. He gave me that, he gave me that back, and I started rebuilding my confidence from that because originally I wanted to be a musician. That was all I ever wanted. That didn't turn out until now. Because of his faith and belief, we've been separated because of a lot of stuff that went on right after my mother died. We both need to grow up, his words and mine. I got to see a man I never would have been able to see in my younger years, and I'm so grateful to him. Now, now I use my voice in everything my speaking, my podcasting. One of my favorite songs to do, especially on karaoke night, is What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. I've got all requests for that. I love that, I've loved it ever since. And my style ranges from 60s, 70s, 80s to the current day. It can be country or the old country like Wynette and Dolly Parton. I just have a voice that fits all sorts of, and I'm not confident to stand for my up for myself anymore and say, no, I'm not gonna do that. Because it doesn't feel right to me. That's a part of the self-confidence. Do things even with a scare, if in if they scare you, but there's one special hangout to this. People do need to pay attention. If you get warning bells inside, don't I made the mistake of doing that? Don't. If you're getting an inner kick in the gut, you better leave what you're thinking about doing alone. Because that's your intuition telling you how no. And I didn't listen to mine at first, but now I listen to it. I get a kick in the gut, I don't do it. Period.

SPEAKER_03 7:37

You got wiser.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

You got wiser. But it took me it took years. It took years to learn how to do that. That all started with the formation of the first steps, and I can tell you exactly when that happened. I was in a planning session for the A positive life moment with Teresa. I just heard this crystal clear voice inside myself so hard and so loud, it felt like a thunderclap to me. Teresa, you've got to change. You're doing the exact same things, expecting different results, and you're not gonna get them. You've got to change your mindset, you've got to change. Either say that shook me to the core. And I started doing that. The first step I started out with was self-love, which it's been my unfortunate experience that somebody's abusing you, you don't necessarily turn against them first, you turn against yourself first. You stop loving yourself. Why did I do this? Why am I it's a constant questioning, and every time you say something mean to yourself or somebody else, you're in your life, just starts going down and going down, and you start feeling like you've got the whole world on your shoulders. That was the first thing I wait had to learn, and that was one of the hardest because when you're traumatized, that's one of the first you stop loving yourself. Eventually, yeah, you stop loving your attackers and all that. The first person you stop loving is you.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

Wow. So that's that was a lot there, a lot to marinate on. We got some love here by David Jones. Thank you for tuning in. He says, Good morning, ladies. Great conversation, and we've just gotten started here. Teresa, I feel like you you might have tapped on this, but I don't have a crystal ball, so let me not assume what challenge would you say was a blessing in disguise.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

The biggest challenge for me was not only self-love but self-confidence. That was the biggest because those two areas, all four areas of the framework of the self, need to be worked on. But loving myself and getting self-confidence. I had no boundaries whatsoever. I got walked on like you wouldn't believe, because I didn't have the courage, the strength, the guts, and the boundaries to say no. That was the biggest challenge for me coming out of all this trauma was learning how to say no, learning how to stand on the boundaries. And most traumatized people will have that same thing. You gotta change your energy. And unless you know that there is a better way to live, which a lot of us don't, then you're gonna keep live repeating the same things over and over again. That's been my experience anyway.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

Yeah, and you said that before, you were doing the same thing, expecting a different result. We got some agreements here. Yes, indeed. Change your energy, change your world, says David. And he also says, So true. We got agreement here. We got and I'm agreeing with you too. This is powerful, and this is what you're teaching now, right? So, who has been the most memorable mentor in your life and why? And again, there may be plenty, but who's coming to the top of your head?

SPEAKER_00 10:56

I've actually got two. My bra station mentor, Tanya Tyler Brinks. We had been talking. She said about a year in, she said, Do you got wisdom that people need to hear? You need to start a podcast. So I did that, and then I was working with the uh Napoleon Hill group, my mentor Lynn's Ray Carlton. She brought a lot of ideas to the table, too. Between those two, they just helped me synthesize everything I've gone through into something that anybody can use. And I'm very grateful to both of them.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

That's beautiful. It's so amazing to have a support system, right? And now you're helping so many others just because of those couple of people in your life who influenced you to shine your light, and now you are helping so many. Was there a revelation, personal motto, or lesson that helped you guide your journey? And I know you tapped on a few of them, but is there any you want to expand on?

SPEAKER_00 11:55

Yeah, there is a Latin phrase, at I don't remember the exact Latin phrase, but to the stars through difficulty. And there's also the South Carolina motto as I breathe, I hope. Both of those have guided me. And I know it sounds weird to take a state motto, but it's as I breathe, I hope. And to the stars through difficulty means shoot for the moon, you'll aim, you'll fall upon upon a star if you don't hit the moon directly. Those have been very powerful things for me.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

I never heard that. That's great. I love that. I love when I hear something new because so many quotes are wonderful, and so many quotes like I'll put in my pocket and keep. I never heard that one. That was really great. Thank you for that. And what could you repeat the first one? What could you repeat the first one?

SPEAKER_00 12:48

That you said the stars, to the stars through difficulty is the first one, and as I breathe, I hope is the second one. The second one is for the model of the state of South Carolina. Yeah, I'm a former I've taken they've I've taken those work, those two phrases to heart because you can do anything you put your mind to, and I will say this it's a matter of changing mindset. And yeah, one thing I would advise if you slip up, don't beat yourself up. All that's doing is just reinforcing the negative. Give yourself some grace. Okay, I made a mistake. How can I change this? What can I learn from this so I don't repeat it later? And that took a while to learn, too, because we get so bound in what we've learned and not knowing that there is another way of become bogged down with that. It's like negative. What I do, I have a gratitude practice. All right, 10 things down every morning. I'll get up before sunrise and I will greet the sun and I will also do a yoga program. That's what locks me into my peace for the day. I know if I don't do it, I'm gonna feel miserable. So I do it. It's just a matter of changing perspective. And it when you have negative perspective, it's hard to do it, but it can be done. The only thing is don't give up on yourself.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

That self-talk is and we tend to do that.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

We tend to do that when we're faced with an obstacle. We tend to give up, but you never know when that last shove or that last push or that last step is gonna bring you clear through to the other side. You never know. Don't give up on yourself. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

That's a beautiful message. That's a beautiful message. What would you say to your younger self, Teresa, today? What would you say to your younger self?

SPEAKER_00 14:26

I am so proud of you for everything that you have gone through. You've made me what I am. I'm proud of you. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had, what was going on at the time. I'll never blame any of my younger selves. They didn't know how to get through that, they got through it the best that they can. Why criticize them for it? You do what you have to do to survive.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

That touches my heart. I love that. Wow, that's really awesome. What wisdom would you want your future self to keep holding on to?

SPEAKER_00 14:53

You've got this, you've got this. No matter what the obstacle, no matter what's going on, you got this. You've got the confidence, you've got the strength, you've got the heart. One foot at a time, one step at a time.

SPEAKER_03 15:06

Wow, you're touching a lot of hearts here today. You got some more comments by Lorraine saying beautiful, hey Lorraine, that's my friend from Florida. Hey Lorraine, how are you? Thanks for tuning in. I appreciate you, and that is beautiful. You touch my heart, I tell you, really touched my heart. What does legacy mean to you personally? Now that's a loaded word, I know, but nonetheless, we want to hear it. What does legacy mean to you, Teresa?

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Honestly, and I've said this before, and I'll say it again. If I can help just one life change for the better, then my life of all everything I've gone through has been well worth it. I've said that for many years now, and it's true.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

Oh gosh, that's I just got the chills. That's it's just so true, though. It's just so true, right? What do you hope people remember most about the way you lived, worked, and served?

SPEAKER_00 15:50

That I lived authentically, that I live from my heart and not my mind.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

There's nothing better than being true, right? There's nothing better. We wear a lot of masks, especially in our earlier years. We want to be like everybody else, but that's probably the hardest lesson to learn. We got some more comments here and yeah, more agreements. That's so true. That's so true that that you're making an impact by being honest and original, right? You're being you, you being you is just such an important message. You want to add to that?

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Authenticity is actually a recipe for an easier life. When you're when you get rid of all the garbage with going through the framework of the self, you get rid of a lot of that garbage, you dig down into the darkness. A lot of us are afraid to face our own darkness. I know I was. Once I got in there, I found some gifts. I still found that flame in there, but I discarded everything that I yeah, they do. I'll agree with Lorraine's comment. People want realness, they don't want fake, and most people can tell a fake a country mile away to forgive the verbiage, but most people can tell I don't know how I don't know how to be fake. I just can't be. My soul won't allow it. Yep, my soul just won't allow it. I've got to be me. And you get buried under people's expectations of you. The only person's opinion that really should matter is your own. Because you live in this body, you know what you will tolerate, what you won't. Nobody else does. They could look at you, go this and this, and no, this and this. You can't watch me. I just got the ad, and that that is a an attitude of confidence. I'll be okay if people like me, I'll be okay if they don't. That's it. I've got to answer to my I've got to answer to myself. Nobody else. I will listen to advice and I will think about it. But if it doesn't ring true with me, I'm not gonna take it. You have to live by your own codes, regardless of what they are. Other people may not, and other people, I will say this other people will change when you start healing. People will change because they like the part of the you that didn't have boundaries, didn't have strength, didn't have confidence. Just expect that because it's happened with everybody that I know that started healing, and it's happened with me. And one thing, forgiveness, I'm gonna touch on this because a lot of people don't understand this. The forgiveness is not for the person that harmed you. No, it is for you to snap those chains. I used to be until I learned how to do this. I used to be, I didn't want to forgive anybody. I swore I would never forgive my attackers from 40 plus years ago. Not only have I forgiven them, I forgot about them, and that part of me is clean. You know, you can't play a victim clear. You really can't. You can for a while, but it's not gonna get you anywhere. Eventually, it's just gonna push the people away that you care. I've played it, I learned not to because I'm much better off not playing that card because you just push everybody away. When people won't talk to you, the very people are trying to help you will stop trying because you're locked into that. You can either be a victim or you can be a victor. It's a change of mindset, and we get so boiled down and locked into that because they did this to me. I can do this. No, you have responsibility in your own personal actions, however repugnant they are, you've got to take responsibility for yourself. If you don't, nothing's gonna work.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Yeah, and I agree with that too about the forgiveness, it's not for them, it's it is for you. And I learned that unfortunately the hard way, but I did finally, I finally got it. It finally landed. And the only time, and and Lorraine had commented there, let's make make being authentic, be cool again, let's make being authentic be cool clearly all comment. I'll tell you this before we get to the next question. That with that being said, I find for me that there are two exceptions to the rule. The two exceptions are if you're not being good to if you're being harmful to yourself or you're being harmful to others, those are the only times that I will inter intervene with somebody being authentic themselves, of there being, and I'm talking about true harm and even harm that can turn with that. And I just like to say that, and I know I've seen your podcast, I've heard your podcast rather, and you're in that same vein, but I just like to always give a little disclosure. Yes, be you boo.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

There is nothing right, and I would I would actually yeah, I would actually do the same thing. There's a difference between being positive, and there's a difference between trying to harm somebody or yourself. That happens, you need to get help very quickly. I mean, uh supply, hotline, whatever you can make to contrast. Open your mouth and talk. Yeah, because there is a disconnect.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

If you want to harm yourself, yeah, because if you want to harm yourself or another, there's a there's something that needs to be fixed, right? There's something that there's a disconnect between ourselves. Yeah, I and another disclosure, Patty is not a medical doctor. No, I am a consultant for recovery, but nonetheless, some things are common sense, Teresa. But can we agree that some things are common-sent yourself or others? All right, so now that we agreed on that, if you could do it all over again, would you change anything, or did every part of your journey have a purpose?

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Every part of my journey has a purpose. Everything that I've gone through is made who I am today. If I were to go back and change it, oh, just all the wisdom that I have brought learned. I'm almost 62 years of age. People talk about, yeah, if I could do this, that or the other, but the problem is if you were able to do that, you would erase every single bit of knowledge that you've hard once to say that your life may be better, it may be worse. I accept everything that's happened to me. I'm thankful for everything good and bad because it made me who I am today. And I'm not willing to erase any of that.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

That's a great statement because it humbled you, right? And it made you stronger all at the same time. And like you just mentioned, you wouldn't have the wisdom that now you are paying forward to help so many others. So that part is so important. I love the answer. We got another comment here. Yeah, we got some more love that is profound, absolutely, in agreement 100%. So, this is our signature question here as we are coming to the roundabout end here. But what is something about your journey that most people would be surprised to learn, Teresa?

SPEAKER_00 21:54

That I'm a bookworm.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

Tell us.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

I am again. I love to read. I have loved to read ever since I was small. I do this every day. I grabbed I've got an inspirational book by my bedside right now that I'm gonna be reading a few chapters of later. But I love to read, and it's not just science fiction, fantasy, self-help. I read biographies. A good friend told me one time, he said, always feed your mind. Do something, learn something new every day. And I am so thankful to him for that because it's true. Feed your mind, you're gonna grow. Don't feed your mind, you're gonna stagnate.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

That's I can't disagree with that. That's a great way to look at it. Some people shy away from reading like they like it's homework, and it is feeding your mind, it's keeping your mind alive and well, right? So that's and you never know what you're gonna learn or you know, be relieved from just from reading something. So it's so great that you started young. I started liking to read when I was a little older, to be honest. And I started really getting loving reading, and then like you, I love to have my all my no, I'm I'm lying. I'm sorry. I don't like all the genres, I like the self-help and the inspirational and the and I do the little science, but the fiction I used to do when we were younger, and for some reason it's not capturing my interest anymore. But nonetheless, books are awesome. Do you like audible books or just the paper back?

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Yes, I would prefer paper, but I have listened to audio. I would prefer I'm just I love the smell of the books, and I also love just sitting there taking my time and reading them. I'm usually visual and tactile anyway, but I've got a stack of books by my bedside table and I'll read through them. I've I'm working on the mind magic by James R. Doty right now. I've still been going through that because I like what he says. If anybody wants to look it up, it's this is the book that I'm currently in. It's Mind Magic by James R. Dowie. It taught my list. It taught it talks a lot about actualizations, how to bring stuff forward, how to calm your body down. And a lot of this has been taught for decades or even generations, especially with the four pillars that I'm using. Every wisdom teacher in every tradition has said something about self-confidence, self-appreciation, self-love, self-respect. This is nothing new, just the way that I'm doing it to me is.

SPEAKER_03 24:14

And would you agree that reading these books reinforces what you already teach, and maybe you gain a deeper understanding and maybe a different approach for a different person because everybody receives differently the information, and that's why I do it too. I continue to read books like this because it's a different angle, a different approach. And sometimes things I learned a few years ago, I forgot, and then and it brings it back to like so. I enjoy all that. So now we're gonna talk a little bit more about what you're doing now. So I'm gonna add to the stage here your website. Tell us a little bit more about your website and what are you doing now? And I'm gonna scroll down while you're talking, Teresa, and then I'm gonna add over here where people can find you.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

All right. What I'm doing now is I am in the process of doing a video for a trauma-wise conference that will be aired in September. I finished a five-minute talk June 3rd. I have another one coming up at the Kavannah Club in Austin as part of the Ladies' Lifestyle Network. I am still working with KWVH94.3 FM with for the Positive Life Moment with Teresa. There is also on my website a newsletter to sign up for, and you can also sign up for one free a week a positive life moment with Teresa. I am looking to speak on more stages. I enjoy what I do. As a matter of fact, Friday I'm going back in to do more of the Positive Life Moment with Teresa. And they are aired for those that can get Keto at 94.3 FM. These are aired 6.05 a.m. every morning. And I just added 40 more, and there will be 40 more, I think, going into the Ken probably Friday. I don't know how much we're going to be able to get done. But I'm grateful to that because I will add that when I pitch this stuff, I'm like, there's so much negativity out in the world. Why can't people wake up to something positive for once instead of all the negative news? So that is something I'm still working on. I will also be taping Phoenix Rising Wisdom of the Heart, the second step of the four-step process. I don't edit the Phoenix Rising. They're raw. They're supposed to be. I don't edit them, I don't script them, I talk from the heart. That's the only way that I know today. If anybody is interested in contacting me, go to my website, sign up. There's also an if you want to ask me something, there's a button on the there that will automatically get in touch with me. Or you can use Teresa PhillipsOfficial at gmail.com. Either the website or the email is going to be the fastest way to get a hold of me. And I'm available for anybody with a needs of speaker. That's what I'm doing right now.

SPEAKER_03 26:52

Great. Teresa, thank you so much for sharing that again, official.com. And there is a free gift there, so go check it out. That's always fun. A free gift. And you could also do the little snippets of the podcast to get a little flavor of what Teresa sounds like and what she's sharing. And you really dive deep into the forgiveness. And I think that's a piece that is essential because we are humans that deal with things that oftentimes we hold on to things that are not serving us anymore. So I love the podcast because you really go deep into that. So I appreciate you. I appreciate that. Teresa, I'm gonna pass it back to you for some closing remarks as we get on out of here. And again, thank you so much. But take it away. Oops, one person.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

Just remember, everyone, you are loved, you are appreciated, you make a difference. You may not see it, you may not know it, but you do make a difference. The world, I will quote something from dearperson.com to the person behind me. The world is much better with you in it. That is a true statement. The world is much better with you in it. We need what you show up to the world and don't give up because you've got people cheering for you that you don't even know about. Just remember that anytime times get tough, and they will. Just remember your love, cared for, and appreciated in multinudous ways.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

Wow, I love that you were like, and they will, and they're they and they will. So prepare yourself. And let's just that's life, right? With that being said, I want to thank everybody for being here. Thanks to all the listeners, and don't forget to subscribe, leave a five-star rating if you like this today, write a review, it really helps boost us. And you can find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon, YouTube, or anywhere you get your podcast. We're on over 14 platforms, and hopefully, we have Teresa back again to let us know all the other things she'll be doing coming up on these beautiful shows. So thank you, Teresa. And with that being said, have an amazing day, everybody, and God bless. And until next time, live your legacy. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

Every time, every start, every start, we don't know.